Monday, May 3, 2010

A Post Almost as Big as My Nose


I try not to talk about movies.

Or books.

Because people take it personally when you have an opposing opinion.

I do it, too. I am instantly suspicious of anyone who doesn't like Napoleon Dynamite. Or Jane Eyre.

But this has to be said:

Last night we watched Avatar. I swore before God and my country (not really) that I would not watch it. Why? Because
1. It was a little too popular for my taste
2. It looked a little too science fiction-y (I loathe sci-fi. Unless Star Wars is considered sci-fi...then I love it. Sorry.)
3. My children call it "The Monkey Man Movie"
4. I don't believe in 3-D
5. It didn't appeal to me whatsoever

But Ty's brother swore before the big screen tv and surround sound (practically) that it was good. Like, really good.

Plus, it was free.

These are my thoughts:

I just wonder if there is, was, or could ever be in the future, some hot political agenda that was NOT in some way insinuated, blatantly pushed or alluded to in that movie?

It was like the writers made a spider graph of all the hot topics they could think of since the world began (or at least since America was founded). They must have just watched Surrogates and liked it, so they jammed that idea in there, too. Plus they grabbed Sigourney Weaver, cause nothing says legitimate alien movie like Sigourney Weaver. Then they spun a not-so-original and more than slightly predictable tale, but they made everyone BLUE. And sparkly. Cause apparently we're all pretty sensible until you throw something blue and sparkly at us. Then all the sudden the American public is hypnotized into spending out

$742,721,098!


Seriously? What a bunch of hypocrites. I want to know how much it cost (oh, wait, google says anywhere from $280 - 500 billion) to make that movie, and how many natural resources were destroyed in the process (google doesn't know what I'm talking about...do you?).

And are the proceeds being donated to a Save the World fund somewhere?

I doubt it.







p.s. It WAS visually amazing. I'll give you that. But that's not a real draw for me. I'm more interested in a good story. I think I could have enjoyed it, had it not been for the gratuitous "symbolism" and allusion. It was distracting. After about the fifth one, I just couldn't take it seriously anymore. Not even seriously enough to watch the destruction of a civilization of big blue, sparkly cat-monkeys.

p.p.s. It WASN'T as bad as I thought it would be.

p.p.p.s. I'm not AGAINST being "green" (or blue). But can't Hollywood just make a movie for my entertainment, and quit treating me like a wide-eyed idiot who has to be subliminally convinced to hate my country or recycle my gum wrappers?

p.p.p.p.s. I think I am disproportionately annoyed with this movie. Maybe I should get a hobby.

p.p.p.p.p.s. See? My nose IS big. And misshapen.

10 comments:

Stephanie said...

You're nose is not big - Now, Andy's nose is big (he's German) and I pray that if we ever have a girl she will inherit mine.

Mardee Rae said...

haha, stephanie's comment was pretty hilarious.

And you are awesome. I would love it if you would do more reviews. Now I want to see it to see if I agree with you--I probably will because you are always right.
And your nose is not big.
Oh, And I didn't get the chance to post my trite and true comment:
There's no I in insurance. I hate insurance--any kind. any day that you have to talk to insurance people is a bad day.
There's a little too much I in diapers.
And I'd like "morning" to be stricken from the dictionary, please.
I loved that post. Sorry late on commenting.

Parley and Anna and family! said...

oh my gosh--it's like read my mind but then put it down in a much more intelligent way than my mind thinks (did that make sense?).
Can I link to this? Everyone thinks I'm crazy when I say I will NOT watch Avatar. But you explained it perfectly. Please, oh please.

Sharlee said...

I'm so glad you wrote this because I thought we were the only ones who thought it was a stupid movie. It's Dances with Wolves on another planet (with plenty of cheese and subliminal political messages mixed in). Barf. Are Americans really that desperate for a good movie? What's going on?

T-licious D-zire and C-hillins said...

wow.... I think you're totally racist towards blue cat/monkey/humans. period. But I still love you and your cute little button nose :) Go look at some of my family pictures and tell me your nose is big...seriously.

Michelle said...

I just went to with my husband to appease him. I didn't expect much and was pleasantly surprised that I liked it. HOWEVER you are correct it was a "spider graph of all the hot topics they could think of since the world began". Some comments in the movie were not necessary and the whole hug-a-tree thing was a little annoying (although I have been hugging and singing to my freshly planted tree because someone told it would grow better).

Darcee/Daryl said...

I have not seen the movie...for the exact same reasons you swore you would not see it. And now my sister-in-law owns it and says we can borrow it (no she didn't buy it cuz she liked it, she bought it to watch it for the first time....wonder if she regrets it). I thought maybe we'd borrow it because I was curious as to what all the fuss was about ...since it didn't look good to me. Now I will not bother to waste my time. If I need to sit and veg out in front of the time-sucking screen in my living room, I'll just watch Napoleon Dynamite again...or the six hour version of Pride and Prejudice.

The United Statements of Merica said...

At that angle, Micheal Jackson's nose would look big.. and mishapen.. still.

On to more pressing matters: I have to say, as someone who lived the avatar experience (saw it in imax 3d) It was too intense to come to any other conclusions. It really did happen, and I don't know what their trying to say about the american military, or government, or the environment.. all i know, is the military trying to take over Pandora was corrupt. I was far too engaged to process any subtle or blatent messages. And after the movie, i had to get used to the fact that I'm not 10' tall, blue, or have a tail.. probably kind of like a missionary the first day back from his 2 year mission.
I have plenty of "oh brother" and "puh-leez" movies though, so i get it.. I'm not offended.
Also props to the creative genius behind the effects.

Andrea said...

I feel I should add:

Please don't NOT see this movie because of me. I never said it wasn't an experience, for sure! I just have a low tolerance for "subtle" messages being jammed down my throat everywhere I turn. If you can sift through those things, it was an entertaining film.

Rindee said...

My husband went and saw the movie without me and hasn't stopped talking about how I HAVE to see it. He offered to watch the kids so I could go see it with a friend for our Valentine's gift. Didn't work out. I still haven't seen it. Does that mean I also still haven't recieved my Valentine's gift? I will probably see it, just to please him, although if it were up to me, I would probably pass. Just didn't look that appealing to me. I could tell from the previews that it was going to be an enviromentalist movie, so I think that turned me off.