So, This Happened...Update

and this


 http://www.ktvl.com/shared/news/top-stories/stories/ktvl_vid_11491.shtml


Anyone recognize that truck?

I hear "riddled with bullet holes" is a great selling point. As my friend pointed out, driving a truck like that gives you instant street cred.

Any takers?

So, This Happened

REWARD!!! I will reward you a $100 gas card if you find this white 1998 Dodge 2500 ext cab 4x4 truck that was stolen from my car lot this last weekend. A couple of identifying factors are the running boards, diamond plated tool box, and the clearance lights (lights mounted on the roof of truck). Contact me for any information. Please share this post!

WANTED: Sister In-Law*

I am a woman in the prime of life, desperately seeking a good, down-to-earth sister in-law. I have three already, but currently seek a 4th and final one to round out my collection. I am quiet, but friendly. I'm like a dog that way: happy to sit and listen to you talk about yourself all day (but only if you're interesting). I am loyal (see? like a dog). I will stick by you through thick and thin, defending you against any ill-mannered brothers in-law if you join the team. I like to cook, and will invite you over for dinner often. 

I like to wear over-sized sunglasses while I watch people take long walks on the beach.
(Personal Ad Rule #1. Casually-placed, totally legit swimsuit picture: check)








My best friend is an elk. His name is Vladamir.
(Personal Ad Rule #2. Show a love of animals: check)






I think you have almost everything you need to make an informed decision.

But I know what you're thinking:

"WHY is such a charismatic, talented girl like that, with so much to offer (Elk! HUGE sunglasses!), still searching for a sister in-law? There must be something wrong, or surely someone would have put a ring on that (brother in-law of hers) by now."

So, I'll just be honest.

There is one tiny something that always gets in the way.

I call it Exhibit BIL:

I mean, look at that chiseled jaw. What's he playing at? How does he expect to find me a sister in-law if he's just going to sit around looking all handsome and Abercrombie poster-esque? It's embarrassing.

And then there's his habit of smoking toothpicks with a mysterious polka dot glare on his glasses, all while remaining perfectly adorable. Despicable.

The guy just won't stop being an idol to all his nieces and nephews, either. Disgusting.

I mean, he buys (or builds) them thoughtful gifts and attends all their birthday parties like he's some sort of hero.

Bleh.

Ugh.

And don't even get me started on his penchant for rough housing and breaking my furniture. If he weren't so darn likable (and a former State Champion wrestler, bull rider, and boxer - you think I'm going to mess with him?), it would be annoying.

Also, sometimes, after we have Thanksgiving dinner (and he has thoroughly, sincerely, and courteously complimented the chef - gag), he poses for pictures with his shifty-eyed brothers, looking like he's been drinking. But if I were you, I'd be more worried about the brothers than of him. Trust me.  

(and it's just sparkling cider)

Yeah. I guess he's not SO bad...if you like a guy who is a great catch: A returned missionary (bilingual, anyone?) with a job, a house, and a car. A super laid-back man who treats everyone like they are interesting and funny. A person who loves kids...

But if those things just aren't your cup of tea, consider the fact that becoming my sister in-law would pretty much guarantee you beautiful babies, elite Shuwoman status, and good companionship (like a dog! how many times must I say it?). 

Eh?

I said, EH?!

*If you think I'm joking, stop. I am as serious as I ever get. Maybe even more. I have declared 2014 The Year of The Sister In-Law. Please, if you know someone who is looking to be set up with one of the best, most fun guys you'll ever meet, contact me (click on my profile and e-mail me, please!) immediately. Seriously. I already told him that he had his chance, failed, and now I'm finding a sister in-law for myself. Now I must deliver. Please help me!

** Prospective sisters in-law must be aged 19-26, single, not stupid, low to zero maintenance, and active members of my (and his) faith. Oh, and local (Pocatello, Idaho) or willing to become so.

Relatively Speaking

I just got home from a family reunion.

I am related to most of the best people in the entire world, by the way.

Which is both comforting and disconcerting.

On one hand, I feel like the underachieving runt of an overachieving extended family.

On the other, I feel renewed hope in my ability to conquer anything. Maybe everything.

I mean, whether or not it looks like it, my genes and theirs have some common denominators. Which means that there is the slight possibility of greatness in these here veins. Somewhere. Maybe.

And that thought has me feeling like I have been wasting a lot of time not being amazing, and maybe I'd better get myself together and accomplish something.

I am not the person I could be.

I will do better.

And also, my hair is too short.

(did I mention I got it cut again last week? twice?)

And You Know That You're The Only One To Say O.K.

Today I saw my sisters.

They agreed to meet me in a town and hang out with me while I furniture-shopped.

Who does that?

Certainly not husbands.

Believe me.

And when you've been searching for the perfect furniture for as long as I have, you know what a gruesome task it is.

But they came. Willingly.

And let me just tell you that furniture shopping with sisters is the only way to go.

Find a highly-recommended, over-stuffed, 1985 boat couch on the showroom floor called the "Dream" collection normally?

Roll my eyes and call me nauseated. And despairing.

But find that same beast with my sisters in tow, and my eyes were suddenly open to all the wondrous sarcasm a furniture store has to offer!

It's like an untapped, alternate, parallel universe of furniture shopping.

A universe in which one laughs so hard, furniture sales people are forced to repeat their questions slowly. Like one is off one's rocker.

I recommend it.

And I recommend my sisters.

(I don't necessarily recommend this picture, but it's the only one I have of some of us together)