Monday, April 7, 2008

Anyone know a good exterminator?

Our house was suddenly and overwhelmingly infested with children on Friday morning. The signs are everywhere: drips on the toilet seats, tissues on the stairs, toothpaste fingerprints smeared down my cabinets, a web of floss spun through my bathroom, "sippy" cups lining my counter, honey spotting my kitchen floor (no matter how many times I think I've wiped the last drop), candy wrappers in the family room, fruit snacks half-chewed, stuck to my carpet, and socks EVERYWHERE! We volunteered to house our nephews (ages 4 & 2) for four days while their parents went on vacation. If only housing were all that were involved in such a feat! I'm starting to think a controlled burn is the only way I will ever get my house back into order. I have heard on more than one occasion that after you've had three children, subsequent children are no big deal. I have now tested this theory for myself and can say without doubt that my suspicions are confirmed: it is a huge lie! Five children are infinitely more than three. I believe that this wives tale was invented for the sole purpose of seducing unsuspecting couples into having more children. Those couples, upon finding it to be false, feel that the only way to be vindicated is to continue to pass it along, and then laugh at those who fall for it. You know, like the other popular saying about how, "Misery loves company." I say this with tongue halfway in cheek, for I know several mothers who manage their more-than-three-children households with the utmost grace and efficiency (most of which are my sisters, sisters-in-law, and my own mother). So where did I precipitate from? Where are those Mary Poppins genes when ya need 'em? Mine must have been plucked from my DNA strand and replaced with the easily-annoyed gene, the quickly over-stimulated gene, and the not-enough-energy-to-get-off-the-floor-after- changing-a-diaper (even though it's only 10:00 am) gene. I don't think I have eaten or gone to the bathroom in at least two days, although I have gone to the appropriate rooms several times to relieve myself, only to be inundated with requests, sidetracking me to other destinations. I am exhausted. Also, when there are that many kids, it is not mathematically possible for them to all be well at the exact same moment, which only adds to the fun. Who needs sleep when there are fevers, stuffy noses, and coughs to be had? Oh, and another thing, Mary Poppins had no children of her own, had a magic bag, and came and went with the wind...what kind of role model is she?

The gang of five: they could all fit on the love seat, and yet they seemed to fill my house to the rafters! And yes, they are watching t.v. - do you have a problem with that?


Crowther Clan said...

Well that is really good to know! I have always heard that once you have 3, it doesn't matter how many more you have... it's all the same. So thank you for your insight on the matter:) I'm positive that the fact you had 2 extra boys made a difference! If those two boys had the same type of energy that my boy Bjorn has... It would definitely be different to have 5 than 3. Anyways. I'm glad you survived!

sharlee said...

That's right. If I could float away on the wind every time I felt like screaming or lecturing or blowing my stack, my kids might be as delighted with me as those poor kids without a mom were in Mary Poppins. But, luckily that's not an option or else they might only see me five or ten minutes a day and what kind of mom would I be then?
You are a good Aunt. I bet your kids had fun having cousins stay for a few days. Way to survive! Love you!

Amber said...

We have decided never to test that theory or the theory that the 3rd child is the most difficult because you run out of arms. But can I just say this, you are my new hero. Not for the fact that you managed to keep your cool in the sea of sippy cups and chaos, but rather because you could hold it that long. Might I suggest strapping on a Depend next time; kinda of the theory "If you can't beat em, join em." Oh and let's not diss dear Mary Poppins. She, after all, introduced the world to the idea that a spoon full of sugar cures all (it does, right?).

Emily said...

In my experience, each & every additional child is infinitely more work. Nothing like adding a few more kiddos into the mix to make your normal chaotic days seem downright tranquil!