Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Black Tuesday

Today I had the stay-at-home darling's equivalent to the working man's personal day. I find that I need one to two such leaves of absence (no physical leaving involved, unfortunately) each month, where I indulge in feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I have in fact lost my last measly marble. Am I the only one who experiences sudden and urgent loss of identity and purpose? I will be happily living the life I call mine when BAM! Panic attack-like feelings begin to drown out the already far-too-soft-spoken voice of reason. Though I hate to admit it, I am beginning to notice that these moments are predictably monthly. I have long been proud of my ability to remain detached from female stereotypes of this kind, so the realization of my increased "femininity" comes as a disappointment. I have never liked it when women use "female problems" as an excuse to get out of things or to get what they want. But now that I'm one of them, I can begin to see the addiction.

I didn't want to make dinner tonight. The mere thought of it congealed my lunch into heart attack-inducing substances in my arteries. Every time I walked into my kitchen a stale depression settled over my heart, rendering me culinarily worthless. I was listless. Even the Internet could not console me. Finally, as a last resort, I called the husband. I tried to sound chipper, but he could see right through that charade. With a quiver in my voice I explained how I didn't know what was wrong, but that I was pretty certain something was. Unlike me, the husband is an action-taker. Where I wallow, he proceeds. He is never concerned when I relay my messages of impending doom ("Something's wrong with me. I'm serious. I think I'm insane!"). He validates ("Oh. That sucks."). He comforts ("You're an awesome mom. I'll be home in a few minutes." ... yeah, now that I think about it, maybe he IS a bit concerned about my mental stability and the safety of our children). He takes action. Like today when he said, "Do you want me to bring home dinner?" Now, I wasn't sure just what I needed to help me feel normal, but I'm no dummy. If the boy wants to gift me a dinner, who am I to deny him that pleasure? And if he desires to assume full responsibility of all three mini Shumans while I fold laundry and clean up the after-dinner display (and check my e-mail), so be it.

All I'm saying is, whatever was wrong with me has pretty much vanished.

That's all I'm sayin'.


Rindee said...

Now, to have a husband that can offer help without having to have it spelled out is a true Miracle. You are a lucky woman.
Sometimes such a display of love as simple as easing one's burden is enough to comfort one. Love casteth out all fear.

Rozel said...

Not wanting (or knowing) what to cook for dinner is a nightly occurance for me. My husband has yet to say "Do you want me to bring home dinner" what he does say is "I'll make a sandwhich" (for himself, that is). I HATE sandwhiches - if I eat another sandwhich again I may go insane.

As for the girly 'tude. My poor man doesn't even know what to do with me when I get in those kind of moods. Bless his (and other mens) heart.

sharlee said...

What a nice husband. If I called my husband in the state you described he'll say, after a pause, "your starting your period tomorrow." He's sees right through it and expects me to deal with it, after pointing out the truth to me. I have to admit, it has made me very aware of what hormones can do to a ladies' brain. It doesn't change the way I feel, mind you, but it does give me a sense that I may feel normal again some day very soon.

Christy said...

Sounds like we are on the same cycle...haha. Yeah, Ryan ususally sees it coming before I do. He is really quite good about it and is always asking what he can do to help, which just makes me feel even more guilty...grrr. It's like I want him to help, but yet I don't. And if I start throwing a tantrum about something he laughs, which makes me cry... which then just makes him laugh even harder! And after a few LONG minutes, I of course see the silliness in it too, which makes me laugh so hard I could pee my pants. And it's always the same every month. haha. Guess it makes life interesting.

Oh and don't get me started about dinner! I feel the same way. I am glad your husband brought dinner home. I have actually thought since I have been reading so much lately, that I should read a cook book and learn how to cook better and get some ideas. But then everytime I think to do that, I get scared that reading a cook book will be so boring that I will lose my desire to read another book ever again! And I love reading!

Anyway, I am sorry you had a rough day. Your husband sounds like such a great husband!

Marianne said...

The last time I was dealing with girly stuff, I had a bit of a crazy moment. Joel asked me if I was mad at him, and I said, "Well, I'm mad at the world, and you'r part of my world...so, YES I'M MAD AT YOU!!" Then he gave me a look that asked, "Are you for real?" and I said, "Well, you try dealing with these stupid hormones!" His reply was, "I do." Ouch! I guess I'd never thought of it that way. Poor guy. He's so patient with me. Generally I'm a pretty nice wife, but that dreaded once a month always gets the better of me.

Sara said...

Okay, I seriously LOVE you. I just came her by way of Navel Gazing and I am pretty sure that the comment you left there where you referred to the other blog was Mrs. Dub because I just read both of those pretty much back-to-back.

so, this is a warning that this has nothing to do with your actual post, and I am sorry. I just had to say words to you, somehow.

I love that you said you don't care if people think you're a horrible mother and that you've got pretty much no rules around TV. I guess it's because it's the same at my house that I feel this affection for you. My kids are still pretty young, but they aren't awful, stupid kids. My son is far above where he should be (knowledge-wise) and has an imagination that can't be beat. I do feel a slight bit guilty when my baby says, "watch mooie!" but not enough to NOT do it. I have to have something on in the background or I go crazy. I figure it might as well be something that is good for them (good for them!? haha - baby einstein i love you.) instead of Paris Hilton searching for her new BFF.

so thank you! I love your confidence and your attitude. Glad I followed you over here.

The Peterson Family said...

Okay, I loved this entry and it is so funny that when you bring this stuff up, how you all the sudden feel like you are not so strange after all cause so many of us women experience the same thing. My monthly "stuff" has become more and more noticeable these past few years. I swear I never used to be able to tell a difference in how I felt, but now...just like Sharlee said...my husband can spot it coming every time. I usually wake up the day before feeling completely unmotivated to do anything and completely overwhelmed with life and then sure enough...the next day...my little friend comes to visit! Thank heavens it only lasts a little bit or I would go nuts. It definitely gives me more empathy for those women out there who truly suffer from depression longterm. Sorry for going on...I needed some girl talk tonight.

dianeb said...

I can soooo relate - and loved to read all these comments! Thankgoodness it goes away!
hmmmmm I am certainly curious about the "TV" comments! I would love to read that blog! I am always plagued with guilt over these TV issues!