Monday, December 22, 2008

A Matter of Opinion

My husband laughs when I say I want his opinion. He says I only want it so I can do the exact opposite. Apparently he's on to something, because the comments left on my last post only spurred me to write a post about why I CAN'T write about any of your suggested topics.

You should know by now (and if you don't, I wonder about your reading comprehension) that I am no deep-thinker, and in case I never mentioned it before, I suffer from a debilitating case of road rage. This renders me incapable of delving into any sort of social study or world issue. Maybe you missed the part where I wrote about my jacket for, like, twelve (run-on sentence-ridden) paragraphs.

I did not decorate a tree (well, aside from the perfunctory white lights) this Christmas. Blasphemy, you cry? Here are my excuses in descending order:
5. It takes a lot of time to blingify our plastic behemoth, which makes me cranky, which ruins the whole "experience."
4. If I see one more gold ball, cherub, or ribbon from my decade-old decorations artillery I just might slit my wrists with one of the shards of glass that is sure to be loitering in the dark recesses of my Christmas supply box.
3. My son's middle name is "shard." He doesn't inspire my tree-adorning tendencies.
2. Christmas tree-decorating paraphernalia doesn't go on sale for 75% off until AFTER Christmas.
1. White lights add just the right amount of merry and enough bright to keep me safely barricaded against any attacks of the Scrooge variety.

Don't even get me started on the whole spousal gift exchange! That would be an entire post, but not because I could regale you with the splendor and thoughtfulness with which my other half is showered. No, no. In fact, the exact opposite is true. We are not a gift-giving people, my DH (Acronym, anyone? Now THERE'S an idea for a future post...) and I. Do we gift our neighbors? Yes. Do we shop for extended family members? Indeed! Children? Certainly. Home teachers, Bishop, boss? Check. Check. Check with a cherry on top! But each other? That's where things get a bit odd. Perhaps I have mentioned The Mr.'s dislike of all things festive? Oh, I have? Well, although he has failed to dampen my birthday spirits, I find myself duped by the utter logicality of his Christmas philosophy.

Enter crazy(er):
That said, I always get him a gift. And he always gets me a gift. Because he knows that I always get him a gift. And he gets mad if I get him a gift and he has nothing for me. Because he thinks it makes me feel bad. But it doesn't. I couldn't care less about presents (mind you, that is NOT TRUE for my birthday). But this year I was really going to stick to the "no presents" deal. Cause I did last year. But he didn't. Which made me feel like a jerk. I know, what goes around, and all that. And then a couple days ago he mentioned that he had to go work on my present. So now I'm freakin' frackin' frickin' out. Cause there are two days left before Christmas. And I don't have a gift for him. Well, not a good one anyway.

Speaking of anyway, I need some ideas. What are you giving your husband? And what should I give mine? Although, who are we kidding, we both know I won't use your suggestion anyway!

And post.

p.s. Even if I DID have a fabulous gift for my husband (which I do not) I couldn't share it with you here. You see, my husband is my number 1 blog fan (aren't you, buddy?). It would be awkward, to say the least.


Rozel said...

Firstly - I would like to judge your run-on sentences in your jacket post however, I have no clue what a run-on sentence is. I wanted to be funny and make this sentence a run-on but, again, I don’t know what a run-on is. I must have skipped that day in High School. Thank goodness for Microsoft Word and its green and red squiggly lines (assuming that Microsoft knows what a run-on is). New Year’s Resolution: Learn English.

Secondly - I will not judge your lack of Christmas decor as I do not decorate. Now that I have made a liar of myself, my husband and I decided to decorate our first home for this Christmas (the first time in 3-5 years). We don't have many decorations but we do have a HUGE list of things to buy during the after- Christmas-75%-off-sale.

Thirdly - Spouses and gifts . . .hmph. My husband and I result to verbal permission. For example I have been dying to learn Spanish. Since a Spanish immersion program in Mexico would require me to be away from my husband for at minimum 6 weeks I requested Rosetta Stone. So, for my birthday my husband said "You can buy Rosetta Stone". Now, the thing about these verbal permission gifts is that usually they are at least over $500 and although permission is wonderful our checking account must also give us permission. I still don’t have Rosetta Stone. I have decided that my husband’s verbal permission gift for Christmas is a trip to New York to watch a Giants football game. I am sure that eventually in our next 50+ years of marriage he will be able to redeem that gift. . . .
P.S. I also LOVE to use these little dashes (-) but I must have skipped that day of school as well because I don’t know the proper way to use them. So I shall use them the way I want.

Higham Family said...

Jordan is like you- he wants me to have gifts, but says he doesn't care if he has any. It's not fair. I dread gift giving occations- it leaves me cranky! This year we're doing a combined trip as our present to each other. In years past, I've had to resort to a "coupon book"- the gift that keeps on giving. It's a lot of work, but it makes his year merry indeed. TMI?

Emily said...

I'll be checking these comments like crazy for the next 2 hours before I go to the store, so please, Andrea's readers, come up with something good!

Emily said...

Cool picture! How 'bout post how you did that?

sharlee said...

Oh, the spousal "no gift" agreement. I'm glad to hear it isn't just us. I think we are seriously doing it this year (atleast I am).

Amber said...

Um, you make me laugh. All the time. Seriously, when are we getting together. Michelle can come too and we can have a splendid girls weekend (I'm really on a "splendid" kick lately. I overuse it to an annoying degree!). are a big fat liar (only your not fat so scratch that), because you ARE a deep thinker. Who cares if you ramble about sweater instead of world peace. You thought about it and are competent enough to put those thoughts into words. so nice attempt at an argument. Finally, Mark and I decided to to the no gift giving thing this year and it was the first time in our whole married lives (and even before the "I dos") that we both LOVED our verbally binding rule-breaking gifts. Who knew that was the secret all along? Say screw the presents and receive the best present ever. Fuel for another verse there Alanis. So I know I was of little help with the last minute gift giving advice (blasted Google Reader has failed me yet again!!), but what did you end up getting him? Did he love it? What did you get? And when will we be having the PHS gals mini-reunion extravaganza? Perhaps when the roads are such that promises to our families that we will return in one piece won't be a blatant lie?

Lena said...

I have the perfect present for your hubby next year... how about an epillater? (that is, if you don't mind huge amounts of pain.)