Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Letter To The Editor: Part Deux

(my deep-thought, completely unrelated to Dear Editor letters pose)

Dear Editor of moms who drop off their children at school,

This letter is long overdue. Day after day I find myself behind the same vehicle in the drop-off line at school. I know that the principal has sent dozens (literally) of notices home, reminding everyone of proper drop-off/pick-up etiquette, but apparently there are a few (okay one) moms who are either illiterate, or need a reminder in a more forceful genre (I vote a swift kick to the head - and I volunteer to do it).

Honestly, any half-wit can figure this out:
Step 1: You wait in line (and say your goodbyes, your testimonies of love, and your reminders to be good)
Step 2: You pull up to the curb (while simultaneously making sure your child has on his/her coat, hat, gloves, backpack)
Step 3: You allow your child just enough time to jump from the open door (yelling, "Go, Go, Go!" if necessary) before...
Step 4: You pull away (and peeling-out isn't required, but it makes a good impression on the others waiting in line because, after all, you are in as big a hurry as they)

And yet, each morning I watch as one woman stops, puts her van in park, GETS OUT (a direct violation of drop-off rules), opens her sliding door, unbuckles her FIRST GRADER (forgive me for bragging, but my 2-year old can unbuckle his little ol' self), coaxes his hands into mittens, massages his coat into place, and drapes his backpack gracefully across his shoulder.

Is it my turn yet? Oh no. She then lifts him from the backseat (or rather attempts to, but then there is a struggle over whether he can do it himself or not), sets him on the ground (in traffic's path, so that any unsuspecting middle school parents are now late for work as well), straightens his hat, gets down on his level, hugs him, kisses him, bequeaths upon him a soliloquy the likes of which I can only imagine from the silence of my cab, and walks him over to the grassy knoll.

Will my itchy gas foot be rewarded now? No, no. She strolls (STROLLS!) back to her car door with many a backward glance, opens it, removes random items from its unseen recesses, pulls her shirt down to decent depths of modesty, gets in, buckles up (it's the law), flips open her cell phone, dials, and grudgingly taps the pedal that propels her van forward in slow-mo.

Now, I have tried everything in my power to give her hints of my dissatisfaction, short of honking my horn (I draw the line at horn-honking). My dirty looks and screeching tires have fallen on deaf (blind) ears (eyes). I am at my wits end. Even more than usual!

My husband's solution is that I just leave five minutes earlier every day, but danged if I don't treasure those extra five minutes of sleep more than my sanity. Cause I do. Which is probably why I'm crazier than a pet coon.

Sincerely Yours,
Lead Foot


sharlee said...

Such a great ending to my hormonal day, Andrea. I needed a good laugh.
Some people are so oblivious. But I'm sure I've been that oblivious person before. If it wasn't for people like her, what WOULD you write about on your blog? I'm always amazed at your writing talent. When I try to write about my frustrations, it comes out frustrating. You are brimming with creativity sister.

Amy Jason said...

I completely agree with Sharlee! You are genius! You can say what we all think, but you can make it sound so entertaining and hilarious! Love it! I totally understand your agitation with this woman! Why does she think she is an exception to the rules? Good luck with the situation!

Lena said...

who drops their children off at school? I'd rather shout my "i love you's" from my front door as they clamber onto the bus...who cares if the bus driver is the wicked witch of the west in the flesh. And, on those days when I MUST drive my child to school, I am the rule breaker mom who takes her kid to the wrong side of the school and drops her kid off right in front of the sign that says, "No parent drop-off, school buses only" in spite of the constant reminders from the teacher on duty...oops! who wants to wait in that frustrating line for hours (or, at least, very long minutes) for pathetically slow moms?
And, what's up with hormones (sharlee's comment!) I have NEVER had PMS until the last two months and I feel like going burzurk on people! I'm sure that is exactly what you wanted to hear from me!

Christy said...

HAHAHA!!! this post had me rolling!! I mean literary rolling with laughter. ohhhh my gosh. funny. I actually had a similar thing happen to me today at the library. Wednesday I take Madi to the library for story time- parents are not allowed in the room, just the kids. This mom goes in and proceeds to talk to her child interrupting the library lady who is trying to read a story to the boys and girls who are already there(those that arrived on time), then hugs and kisses her and I think, "what is she doing!?" It's not like her daughter is going away to a week long camp or something! She is just a glass door away for 30 minutes... ANyway it just annoyed me as all the kids had to wait for this mom to do her thing, not that they probably cared or even noticed! haha, it probably only bothered me and the librarian. Maybe someday try to get to the school before her and do the same thing but do it even s-l-o-w-e-r...haha, ok that's mean. :)

Andrea said...

Yeah, I guess I should explain that Saylor's school doesn't have a bus system. Otherwise, she'd definitely be on it! It is up to us to take and pick up. Ty sometimes (always)thinks I'm crazy (as a pet coon) to go to all the trouble, but it's worth it.

Elisabeth (and Tyler) said...

You have a gift. And I want it. I DARE you to take her first grader out of the car FOR her, and staple his mittens on his hands so you don't have to wait again tomorrow. If you don't feel comfortable with that, maybe a rock through the window with this note attached.

Amber said...

Oh just use that horn. That is why it was invented (much to the surprise of most of the nation, who have been wrongly lead to believe a horn is a useful tool to warn drivers of an impending accident or something equally ridiculous!). I will be driving Cora next year, and now I am afraid of the other crazy moms. You are so much nicer than I am. I would roll down my window and have a few choice words. Yep, I'm "that" mom.

Oh and does she go to a private school? Is that why there are no buses?

Amber said...

On a funny side note, the letters for the word verification when I was posting my comment were: CUSSER. Perhaps a sign of your next move?

Marianne said...

Name this movie (I might have the directions reversed):

"NORTH to drop off, SOUTH to pick up ya MORON!"

That's the first thing I thought of when I saw the title of you letter, which I loved by the way. I'm in agreement to all compliments to your writing skills.

By the way, the movie is "Mister Mom."

Rozel said...

Was there a Part Oeux? (Sorry, I think Duex means two and so I figured that Oeux means one.) Maybe I read Part Oeux . . .I probably even commented on it. I guess I better go back and read ALL of your blog entry’s and re-comment on them as I won't have remember my first comment and will probably read my first comment and think it was written by somebody else.

Back to Part Duex:

There are different learning styles. Apparently she does not learn via reading (I am sure there is an educated word for that learning style). There is little evidence of her being a visual learner, and minimal evidence of her being a Kinesthetic learner (I remembered that one). I have come to the conclusion that she may be a culmination of a couple: visual and auditory. So this is "what lets do". You come early and wait for the offender. When she arrives, provide her with a tape-recorder- headphones-thingy (ipods are too expensive she may not return it) with your pre-recorded steps (that you so kindly provided us). Then direct her to listen to your recording as you demonstrate. After your demonstration, have her give it a try.

P.S. I doubt that she makes her kid (and friends) rake leaves as part of the Birthday party festivities.

Palmer family said...

You are more than HILARIOUS! That was perfect. Well said. Loved it! Does Saylor go to a charter school or how come there is no bus? Maybe you should get a carpool going so you only have to see that lady once in a while!?? Just an idea.