Friday, May 15, 2009

Pants on Fire

Here it is, folks. The moment you’ve all been breathlessly waiting for. The time has come to end this charade.

But first, let me take a moment to thank you all for playing along so sportingly. This little exercise proved much more difficult than I had anticipated. I had SUCH a hard time thinking of a good lie to tell you, which is good in that apparently I am a rotten liar, and bad in that there go all my dreams of writing a book someday. If this game is any indication, my imagination is up a creek.

Okay, without further ado…Wow, this is starting to resemble my Dad’s Christmas morning shenanigans, where he would bring stacks of encyclopedias upstairs to read to us, then instruct us to get dressed, clean our rooms, make our beds, comb our hair, brush our teeth, etc. before we could open our presents. Not that I’m comparing myself to Santa Claus. I’m just saying that the suspense is heightening – just like back then.

The answer, my darlings, is...

Drrrrrrrrrumrolllllll…

Story #4: Battered and Fried
I must admit that it is based (very closely – almost identically) on actual events. I DID go tanning with Laura, we DID stop for crazy bread first, I DID get burned – naked, I DID change into her miniskirts on several occasions at school, I DID give a presentation one year on Schizophrenia, I DID have 8th period aerobics. I just switched things around a bit to make for a better, more dramatic story. I’m tellin’ ya, I’m no good at this lying thing!

So, really, you all won (and everyone is special), because it wasn’t a COMPLETE lie.

Also, I must come clean about the roller skating one. It is all true. Isn’t that the best first date ever imaginable? I wrote it as my lie, changing the fact that I COULDN’T skate to a plan I hatched to PRETEND to be incompetent (see? I am bad at this), but then when I published it and re-read it, it sounded like I was just being sarcastic, and my uncoordinated skating habits came blaring through my “lie.” Then it was back to the drawing board for this truthful girl.

I know some of you will disown me now that you know I really did slap that little boy in the head (Emily, you are a true friend for blocking it from your memory). The funny thing is that I only just barely (like last week) thought of it and realized how bizarre an incident it really was. I remember thinking at the time, “I don’t see why everyone is making such a big deal of this” (as they all laughed in shock). Now I get it. Weird.

The transient thing was a rooky mistake. I think I have mentioned that story before on my blog, or it must be the first thing I tell strangers when we meet. It was nearly impossible to come up with stories that didn't involve one or more of you, or that I haven't told one or all of you, especially since I tell you guys nearly everything. Maybe I should consider shutting my trap and talking (writing) less. Lesson learned.

So there you have it my dears. Give yourselves a hug for me, and consider it your prize (fancy, I know).

Now it’s YOUR turn.

7 comments:

Christy said...

oh my heck! haha! I for sure thought the boy scout smack down or the roller skating one was the lie! You got me. But your tanning experience, there was a lot of truth then to that! Let me know when your first book comes out and I will be first in line! :) Oh and I have to tell you, I love the titles that you come up with for your posts. so clever.

Mardee Rae said...

Oh, I have been waiting all week for this! I have to say that I never doubted the truthfulness of the boy scout story. Is it that I know my dear cousin Andrea so well? No, it's because I know Orton blood. I know Grandma would have done it. Also, it needed to be done and I'm REALLY happy that it's true.
We all loved all your stories. I was wondering how you could come up with any fabricated story with so much detail, so I don't blame you for using actual facts and putting them together in an untrue fashion. It just made the game more interesting.
I vote that you devote one day per week for funny Andrea history day. I think we'd all be into that.
PS, I happen to LOVE your children's names and have suggested "Saylor" (sp?) for the last two babies. Spencer's a little more conservative. Your help is much desired.

Rozel (a.k.a. Michelle) said...

YAY! Hugs for me, I win! It is a good thing for exclamation marks because if I was talking to you face-to-face my "yay" would be in a very sad monotone voice as I am sicker today. No worries, I just have to run 13.1 miles tomorrow - sick or not I didn't train all this time NOT to run. Such is life . . .

sharlee said...

Pretty sneaky. I don't think I ever heard about the skating date. YOU can SKATE?! You must've gotten some coordination genes that were suppose to have gone to me.
I was trying to think how I would come up with a fictitious story about myself if I were to do this and I would do the same thing probably (half truths and so forth.) They were ALL so entertaining to read. Thanks for the fun.

Lena said...

Well...thanks for the hug, and the four stories. I really don't think I could come up with four stories that were interesting enough to tell without oozing spactic-ness, and a girl has gotta have a little pride. And, I would like to agree with mardee Rae about your children's names. We actually had Saylor on our radar for the next girl to join our family, but then I realized that you had a girl with that name, and we already borrowed (or stole--however you want to look at it) the name Walker from sharlee. WE didn't want the title "name stealer" at future reunions!

T-licious D-zire and C-hillins said...

Well, I was away for a while, so spent some time catching up (after I'd already read the results though, but it didn't ruin it for me :) You really are soooooo entertaining to read, I love it! And I'm so sorry for your burns...ouch!

Emily said...

I should've known you smacked that boyscout. I just forgot that minor detail of that date.

You are a funny girl! Keep the stories coming!