Tuesday, April 27, 2010

After All

I am no risk taker. Trying a new brand of shampoo really stretches the limits of my sense of adventure.

Sometimes I watch Ty when he's not looking, and wonder if he wishes he'd married someone a little more lively.

He'd never say so, but I've GOT to bore him:

He is outdoorsy. I may as well be a house cat. Or a throw pillow.
He has climbed the Grand Teton. I once climbed an escalator, but only because it was broken.
He has white-watered his way down the Grand Canyon. I use whitening tooth paste.
He has scars everywhere from strange, death-defying, awesome-story-making adventures. I have stretch marks in strange places that no one wants to hear about.
He has cliff jumped, black diamond snow boarded, hang glided, mountain biked, and drowned. Twice.

(But here's where I have him beat: I practically drown at least once a week while I'm getting a drink. No joke. Just ask him - he finds it hilarious. But it's not.)

So the other night when he and his brother went diggin' in the Jeep, I was content to be left behind. I never worry about him. He's smart and safe, even when he's doing something stupid.

But ten minutes later, I hear him calling my name. I run outside in my apron and slippers, and he convinces me to jump in, cause I'm "going to love it."

I don't love it.

I end up walking home, in the dark, in my slippers (and apron), nauseated and bleeding.

(Whoa, that sounds dramatic, huh?)*

And as I walk away, Ty laugh-yells, "C'mon. I thought you'd love it."

No. You KNEW I'd hate it. Which is why YOU loved it. (I say, and try not to giggle, because I am trying to be mad)

Then I drive my car back out to take pictures of Ty and his brother getting the Jeep un-high-centered.

Cause it is kind of funny.

And then I make him take pictures of my wound. Which wasn't funny. But we both laughed anyway.

We're perfect for each other, after all.

my near fatal laceration...there was blood EVERYwhere, see?

* Only a stick-in-the-mud like me could smash her finger so hard trying to get out of the car that it splits open, and become motion sick from staring straight up at the moon out of a car windshield. Sigh. I'm hopeless.


Sandra said...

I'm concerned that you not only smashed your little finger and got motion sick, but that you also ruined a perfectly good pair of slippers walking outside in the dirt!

Sharlee said...

Ouch, Boo. Is your finger feeling better today? We must be related. I married a guy, though, who is just as unadventurous as me so.... it's all good.

Christy said...

you crack me up! Love the new blog look!

Elisabeth (and Tyler) said...

I can't believe you were able to type this post under such grave conditions.. Bless you for blessing us. You make me laugh :) Our Tys REALLY are bossom buddies. We've just got to get them together. Next Orton Family Reunion? What do you say..

The United Statements of Merica said...

I think it was the time we were 1/2 way up a mountain in a.. some sort of buggy thing with a porsche engine when my husband was giving me the run down on jumping out and which way to roll on his say, 'cause the buggy thing with a porsche engine was not going to make it and it was too steep to turn around, that I decided an alive stick in the mud is better than a dead thrill seeking wannabe.

Marianne said...

I'm with you. I'm perfectly content to let Joel go out get the testosterone pumping and shoot a few hundred or so defenseless rodents while I stay home and let my estrogen flow making skirts or watching North and South. He has taken me shooting a few times, and I must admit, it's very fun. But I will never let him take me four wheeling or anything that involves my brain rattling inside my head. No thanks. Way to be a good sport.

Darcee/Daryl said...

Thank you for such good reading! and letting me know I'm not alone...and my hubby isn't either! (Mine is Mr. bicycle---street and mountain, skateboarder, runner and even break dancer! I push trikes with handles, walk slowly, and know how to waltz.) And at least I've never had to get on his skateboard with him!!!!!!!

T-licious D-zire and C-hillins said...

I have also nearly drowned from a cup, and you're right, it's not funny!
You are so stinkin cool for sharing pics of your battle wounds! Bet that door wished it hadn't messed with you!!!
And, seriously, you're so awesome for being there, participating, and blogging about his adventures.... that's some true love/support :)

Michelle said...

Isn't it amazing how different we are from our husbands. I think you had fun even if you said you didn't :) I see that lil' smile!

I love the way you write.

Fabulessly Frugal said...

Where have I been your whole bloggy life? 2 posts & no comment from me, PLUS a new look. Sheesh , Amber! SLACKer!How on earth did you avoid the ER is all I want to know?

Fabulessly Frugal said...

ps. It is I, Amber the great (or Amber the dork-could go either way). In case you didn't know.