Monday, August 30, 2010

4 Ibuprofen and a Mountain Dew

(In case you wondered, this is what I look like right after I blow dry my hair. Because I knew you had been wondering, and because I didn't take any pictures of myself on Saturday)

I went shopping on Saturday.

Marathon shopping in Utah. (It's the closest my feet will ever get to a marathon, so I'm taking this opportunity to write the word 'marathon' as many times as I can)

Only, I was unexpectedly struck by a migraine, and spent a large chunk of my day laying in the back seat of my sister in-law's car in an underground parking garage, trying not to throw up.

It inspired me to write a list of rules to live (in parking garages) by:

#1. While the acoustics are second to none, a parking garage is NOT a place to blast your gangster music. Especially the same song over and over for fifteen minutes. With your car door open. While you stand outside and try to look really cool. Yeah, no one cares. Because (refer to #2)

#2. Parking garages are not a good place to find a date. And (refer to #3)

#3. No one likes gangsta rap. Not even while they are trying to hold really still and fall asleep. Because (refer to #4)

#4. There are sometimes people in the cool, dark recesses of the parking garage who need some peace and quiet. And no obnoxious music.

#5. A parking garage is just that: a place to PARK.

#6. If you own or know someone who owns a large truck with a diesel engine, please do not use the parking garage. If you insist upon using it despite this warning, please do not drive up and down the same aisle ten times in a row. Because it shakes cars, sets off alarms, and (refer to #4). Now (refer to #7)

#7. (refer to #5)...If there is not an open spot, move on to the next level. You are sadly mistaken if you think a person will finish their shopping expedition in the 3 seconds it takes you to circle back around. If you think they will, then you are probably an adult male driving a large diesel truck. And you should go home. Or to a sporting goods store across town. Or Home Depot.

#8. Please refrain from telling your best friend personal things about yourself while you walk through the seemingly empty parking garage, because (refer to #4). And voices carry. And echo.

For all I know, these rules are already posted at the entrance of most parking garages. But since people can't even seem to read the 'one way' and 'exit' signs written in car-sized letters on parking garage walls, I don't think 'Parking Garage Etiquette' signs stand a chance.

Better just refrain from getting sick.

That's your (my) best bet.


Sharlee said...

Oh Andy, that sounds miserable. I wonder how many people even know about rule #4. To be honest, I didn't. I will be much more sensitive next time I'm in a parking garage and try not to blast my gansta crap.

Michelle said...

Sorry, that was my blind date. He said "I'll meet you in the parking garage, just follow the music"

The United Statements of Merica said...

You make me laugh. I'm so sorry. I hate it when I have a sleeping child in the car, and my car starts vibrating and my baby wakes up because some idiot is blaring tupac at 1,000,000 decibels. But having a migraine is so much worse.

The United Statements of Merica said...

btw. I would kill for your hair

Amber said...

Um, I like gansta rap. Can we still be friends?

Christy said...

you make me laugh. Sorry you were so miserable!

It was good to see you at Costco...We have ran into each other there a few times before. It's where all the cool people go...those hanging out in parking garages must not have gotten the memo. ha! suckers. :0