Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I Swear

Remember how your mom raised you not to curse?

She taught you to use lady-like language.

In docile tones of innocence and purity.

Remember how you thought keeping your mouth clean was so simple? Even in the midst of high school smut and smear.

Why would you swear when there were so many other gorgeous syllables out there, prime for the picking?

Remember when you had children, and were so thankful that you could check off one of those elusive boxes on the Perfect Parent List, because it had never been a problem for you:

Perfect Example of Clean Language. Check.

So, what happened?

Why, when you actually need to model the vocabulary of an adult, does your vernacular resemble that of an inner city community of thugs?

I have several theories.

But this is the most compelling:


Without jello, the world would be a veritable haven of encouraging words.

Of that I am sure.

Other theories include things like oil paints (having an Artist In Residence is hazardous to his health), bodily fluids, BBQ sauce, mustard, and markers.

I swear. Being an adult brings out the worst in people.

And by 'people', I mean me.


Sharlee said...

I hear ya, sis. I am trying to be more conscious of my "ugly" thoughts and words. It's amazing how many I have! I don't know why that is, exactly, except that I've let myself and liked it I guess.
Press on. Kick that jello to the curb. Smile while your knees stick to the floor as you scrub. After all, that jello makes a good chocolate cake! (smile, smile).

Mardee Rae said...

OOOOOOOOOOH, this was good. Sometimes I just blurt out "HEAD SWEAR!!!" And then I feel better, cause I said it in my head but I didn't actually say it out loud, but everybody around knows I want to say it.
You are hilarious. and the word verifacation word is "abicksha", which, when followed by an exclamation point, would actually make a nice expletive.

Christy said...

you forgot play dough...smashed into the carpet. **BEEP!**

I am not a swearing person, never have been but sometimes just to humor myself I pretend and say, "BEEP! BEEP! B-Beep! BEEP!" I know... it's not that funny, but my husband laughs at it, so I get some satisfaction from it.

I really don't even think the real swear words, because again I have hardly ever sworn in my life but the "beep-ing" is fun. You should try it. It makes me laugh, which gets me out of my 2 second (ok, maybe more like 8 seconds) rage of anger. So next time the Jello falls from the fridge you say, Beep and clean it up with a smile and a laugh.

Stephanie said...

I needed this post.

For me it happened yesterday after our house-full of guests left and I walked into my 1/2 bath where we keep the litter box. Some one had tipped over the litter box and never bothered to tell ANYONE!!! What the heck! (keepin' it clean) I really don't swear (aloud), I truly don't, but that (probably combined with prego hormones) put me over the top and "Dang it!" Turned into something I don't care to soil your blog comment log with. Luckily, Wesley was upstairs and didn't hear it, phew!

Kimi Lou said...

Although I was raised by the exact same mother you were, I had a father who DID teach me a few choice words which (I'm sure he'd not be proud.) I have used in a pinch; such as.. when NO ONE will listen and I've screamed 'til my vocal chords are blistered OR when what I really want to do is STRANGLE one of my little darlings. Then I find comfort in telling myself it is the lesser of two evils. All of the examples you gave here have also found themselves among the "swear-worthy" occasions at my house as well, I'm afraid. I'm trying to change and LOVE Mardee Rae's "HEAD SWEAR" idea and Christy's "BEEP"! I'm going to try it out!

Michelle said...

Sometime there are no words except the words that are forbidden.

Sawdust and Paperscraps said...

I agree with Michelle, but I admire you for trying so hard to be pure of mouth! I hardly ever even had the itch to swear before I was married and had a child. I can hardly blame them for my downfall though. I think it has more to do with the fact that I'm becoming an cranky oldish person and I get mad a lot more easily these days. They just happen to be along for that awesome ride.

Marianne said...

Don't worry. You're not alone. I never swore until I had kids.

The United Statements of Merica said...

that really made me laugh! TRUE THAT!! I have gotten into the habit of using "son of a .." it gives me time to come up with something else like biscuit, or Bleeaaagh...

What i find HILARIOUS.. in a totally NOT hilarious way is that we NEVER swear in front of our kids. They are pretty unaware of what swearing even is.. I don't think they recognize it when they do hear it.. At school, the other kids tell me that their favorite music is eminem, lady gaga, katy perry, and Ke$ha, and their favorite TV show is GLEE. These are 7-10 yr olds mind you.. anyway, the word we do say alot is Freak.. and MY kids get in trouble at school for saying it!