Thursday, December 15, 2011

It's Times Like These I Realize I Would Die of Some Phobia If I Had to Take The Subway

I just needed to pick up a couple things at Fred Meyer today:

milk, eggs, and some fresh flowers.

Easy in and out.


Of course I happened to get right behind a lady whose transaction took a fatal turn, and I ended up stuck in line for over half an hour.

Stuck, because the lady behind me (and the next and the next) had her cart in my way. There was no moving forward or back.

It reminded me of public transportation. And I felt a little claustrophobic.

The lady and her school-aged child behind me kept coughing without covering their mouths. The woman was standing uncomfortably close to Sylas, who was seated in the front of my cart. I kept nudging him to get him to look my way, instead of looking (and breathing) straight at her, while holding my breath.

Then, she put two bottles of Lice-Ex shampoo up on the conveyor, and it was all I could do to act casual. NOW I knew why her kid wasn't at school. I wanted to high-tail it out of there, but you know: I was stuck.

So we just stood there. For 35 minutes.

During this whole episode, a man wandered over and tried to get the cashier's attention. Then he would wander off. Then he would wander back. Finally the cashier asked him if she could help him. He said, and I quote,

"I just barfed over there (pointing), and thought I would tell someone so you could clean it up."

Then he wandered off. To the electronics department. To shop.


Did someone change the rules of social decorum in the week since I've been to town?

Do I need to start wearing a surgical mask when I leave my house?

I was to a point in my panic where I was ready to leave my items behind, and get out of there.

Instead, I took three teeny tiny calming breaths, loaded my wares back into my cart, and excuse-me'd my way out of line.

Luckily, an adjacent cashier had me rung-up and out the door in two minutes.

You'll understand that I am now drinking airborne and soaking in a tub of Clorox.

And trying to figure out how to buy milk and eggs online.


Sharlee said...

Oh man! That is AWFUL. When I read the part that you took three calming breaths I had to do the same-- I almost passed out reading about your claustrophobic check-out. How does a guy throw up and then keep shopping? Lice? C'mon! There should be a drive through window that sells lice killer and cough medicine... and electronics I guess.

Elisabeth (and Tyler) said...

Oh, GROSS!!! Amen and amen, Sharlee.. And Andrea, I couldn't have said it better myself. Oh, the stories I could tell about similar stories on the Subway in Manhattan. I should start a blog where I write things.. .

Elisabeth (and Tyler) said...

And on the blog, I shall over-use the word stories.

Emily said...

I just read this outloud to my mom & we are dying laughing (not literally, don't worry, we'll be fine).

Lena said...

So glad you didn't take the whole month off...because now, instead of bemoaning the fact that I can NEVER make it to the store, I will just be grateful. I am probably so much healthier because of it!

And, as you know, I am lazy (I like to think of it as time conscious, since I really should be cleaning up the paper mess on our kitchen table instead of reading your blog...) I will comment on two past posts...

LOVE the ALMOST vacation. I really am jealous that you got to go shopping ALL by yourself for a whole day! Tuesday I had to take all the kids with me into a clothing store, and I ALMOST karate chopped each of their heads off...

And....I saw a woman wearing a hello kitty shirt on Friday night at costco and I ALMOST couldn't bare it. For the last 2 1/2 days I have been wondering what possessed her to put it on.

Kimi Lou said...

YIKES! Shar is right on!
(Makes ya glad you get to be a stay-at-home mom instead of a poor checkout gal though, huh? At least YOU could leave. I wonder how often they have to deal with such lovely customers.)

Marianne said...

I just saw this and got such a good laugh! I thought experiences like these were reserved for the movies but lucky you, they're not!

Michelle said...

I need a shower and a bottle of Lice-Ex (or whatever it is called) after reading this post!