Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Face to Facebook

I have one facebook rule:

Never friend anyone I wouldn't want to have a face-to-face conversation with.

Which means that my facebook experience has been almost exclusively positive. I respect and enjoy all of my "friends" there, which means that there is practically no reason to argue or be offended.

Then facebook went and opened a can of worms. It made it possible, nay, unavoidable, to see your friends' friends conversations. And their friends. And so on.

And I have tried to keep my annoyance to myself, but we're all thinking it, so I'm going to go ahead and say it:

Some people have and employ what I refer to as a "Facebook Voice". You KNOW you know what I'm talking about. And you KNOW you know someone who does it. If you do it, please stop it. If you know someone who does it, and it annoys you, too, can I get an "Amen" and a little knowing wink?

Do we not remember that some of these people on facebook actually know us in real life?

Why do we suddenly "Looooooove. Her/Him." every time our child does anything vaguely naughty/mischievous/silly, when we all know the truth: It wasn't cute, you were annoyed, but you yelled for them to hold the *$#%& still so you could take a picture to post on facebook. And then you sent them to their room.

Why do we (and you understand by now that I use "we" in the loosest form of the word, where it means "certain people I know") write to our children things like, "Happy Birthday, little Bear. You are the light of my life, and I would walk over burning coals just to see your eyes shine in devilish delight" when our children aren't on facebook? And they can't read?

Why do we inform everyone when anyone in the family has so much as a sniffle? Are we really so starved for some sort of affirmation or sympathy that dozens of insincere "Awwww, so there anything I can do to help?"'s are the only thing standing between us and complete obliteration of self-esteem?

Why do we tell everyone but our husband how wonderful and perfect and thoughtful he is? And why do some women insist on saying their husbands treat them like queens? What does that even mean, exactly? Am I the only one disturbed by the implications of that? And why doesn't it make them as nauseous to write it as it makes me to read it? It should.

Not to push for more negativity, because we all know how positive we're always supposed to be, but why do we think we have to talk like we're high on the fumes of perfect living every time we write something on facebook? Has facebook taken the place of those sugary-sweet blogs that used to run so rampant?

If you wouldn't say it in real life, don't say it on facebook. Is what I always say. On my blog.

*If you love your kids' antics to a fault, talk non-stop about your ailments or being sick, make people squeamish with your gushiness and hyper-positivity in real life, please continue to do so on facebook. If you don't, but you CAN do any of them in a clever fashion on facebook, please, PLEASE continue. THAT, in my (certainly not perfect) opinion, is what facebook is for.


Emily said...

Amen. & knowing wink.

Kimi Lou said...

Hilar! Boo, you've just got a way! And you're right - we're ALL thinkin' it!

Anonymous said...

Amen sista'! I love that you put into words what I am thinking. If my post ever cause you to pause, you must comment "eye roll" and I will check myself before I wreck myself.

My husband would kill me if I professed my love to him and tagged him on facebook. I threaten him with it on occasion "You better knock it off I'll tell everyone on facebook I love you . . ." It works every time.

The eye's are are the window to the soul. In the online world, post are the window to the soul. It's probably good that we see the REAL slim shady.

"Be careful with who you surround yourself with. Just as much as the right people can push you up, the wrong crowd can bring you down."

I'm a long winded gal . . .sorry.

Oh yeah - I hate facebook and all of their absurd (I'm trying not to say stupid because nieces/nephews can't) changes. Why can't we have normal and EASY privacy settings?

Michelle R