Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Good From Far

Lately I have a fascination with makeup.

It started a couple weeks ago when someone posted a picture on facebook of some lovely girls who were both wearing a LOT of makeup. I don't mean a LOT in my usual emphatic way. I mean A. LOT. As in, Sir Mix-A-LOT needs to downgrade his name to Sir Mix-A-Dab.

It disgusted me. And intrigued me.

Cause I am a makeup loser. I don't know the first thing about makeup.

Anyway, I had this whole mostly-one-sided conversation with Ty that "we" have about once/year, during which we discuss what we call "The Illusion of Beauty", and after which Ty forbids me from ever wearing lots of makeup.

I thought I got it out of my system.

But the very next day I saw a video tutorial for some device that is AN AIRBRUSH FOR YOUR FACE.

Am I the only one who thought those were just for movie stars? And not regular, every day movie stars, but movie stars who are being heavily made up for a photo shoot for TIME - or, more likely, Cosmopolitan? A photo shoot we all look at and KNOW the movie star doesn't actually look like that, and go about our normal lives without applying tons of makeup to our own faces?

Anyway, I watched the entire, really long tutorial. Because I could not look away.

It freaked me out that women have been, apparently, airbrushing their faces in the comfort of their own homes for whoknowshowlong now, and I wasn't aware that it was a thing.

Why are we doing this?!

Who in the world are we trying to impress?

Why do we think we need to wear stage makeup to run to the grocery store?

Why is my face supposed to be carefully highlighted and contoured while I dust? Wait...does it deflect dust and make cleaning easier?

Is there some secret everyone's been keeping from me?

 Like that we are ranked and sorted and awarded prizes later for our ability to change our appearance via makeup?

Cause, man. If we are, and you guys have been keeping it from me...

Oh. Snap.

I'm going to be so mad.


Emily said...

I hate make up. I love this rant.

Anonymous said...

Make-up. I have been having issues of my own. I just look old. Eyeliner? No eyeliner? Eyeliner on the top? Eyeliner on top and bottom? Brow liner? No Brow liner? Powdered foundation? Liquid foundation? It doesn't help, I need that airbrush.