Monday, January 13, 2014

Your Music Is a Wasteofair

John Mayer is the worst.

Worse than that, even.

Seriously. Does anyone actually like his music?

(sorry, if you do)

(no, not I'M sorry, just sorry)

I have had a lot of time on my hands in which I have had nothing else to do besides listen to Pandora.

And paint.

I mean a LOT of time: Hours. Days. Weeks. Months.

(crossing my fingers it doesn't become years)

And the one thing I have come away with is that John Mayer..., well, you heard me.

I want to write a letter to the editor of Pandora, telling him/her that Jack Johnson is in no way related to John Mayer, and that when I type in 'Jack Johnson Station' it is because I like him. Not John Mayer.


I didn't realize he had so many songs!

What is going on?

I can see him producing a couple, but 25 gajillion? He has enough fans that he can get away with singing that often?

Hasn't anyone (else) caught-on to his cheesy, and frankly offensive to the intelligence of all human beings, formula:

Step #1. Say something nonsensical, but nonetheless illusionarily (it should be a word) profound. In five words or less.

Step #2. Repeat 400 times.

Step #3. Call it a song.

This is all I hear when I listen to his songs, "Hey, did you hear that? I was all...and then I was like...badabah...and then this really awesome thing. Betcha never even considered that kind of deep thinking coolness. Here, let me repeat it again in case you missed it. It's gonna blow your mind. Trust me. No? Here, let me say it just one more time..."

 400 times.

And, lest you think I have completely lost it and become a cynical song critic who gets way too worked-up over one silly artist, please take into consideration the amount of time I have spent painting lately: every little irritant is magnified while under the influence of paint fumes.

And John Mayer music.


Alisa said...

Hey Andrea-- say what you need to say, say what you need to say, say what you need to say. :-)

Anonymous said...

I don't like J.M. because 1) he's a player (and I don't mean that he plays music) 2) He's not a good-looking player (if he was at least good looking I may give him some leeway). 3) He will date anyone who looks at him cross eyed (I'm going to try that next time I see him. "Heeeeeeeyyyyy J.M." *cross eyes and wait* . . .)