Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Back Me Up Here, Vladimir

I saw something the other evening that I can't stop thinking about.

It was the mudflap girl (you know the one, right?).

With deer (or elk? I don't really know the difference, nor would a delineation make any difference in this instance) antlers.

On the rear window of a truck. Twice.

And, if that's not disturbing enough to make your brow wrinkle in bewilderment (So, you like to combine your porn with hunting? Or your hunting with porn? Or you are hunting girls? Or you wish girls were more like deer? Or deer were more like girls? Or you just really, REALLY like deer?),

the other side of the window was one of those "In Loving Memory of..." deals. Wow. Who wouldn't want to be memorialized (on a truck!) next to a deer-horned mudflap girl? What an honor to know that the man who cares so deeply about silhouettes of naked half male deer/half female human will never forget you. I'm sure his deceased grandmother is smiling down at him and his charming (and thoroughly confusing) male chauvinism.

It struck me as such an odd combination of respect and disrespect, levity and weight,
what and huh, that I've been pondering ever since: who owns this vehicle?

The most generous theory I've come up with so far is

An astoundingly insensitive manlike human who doesn't think about anything for longer than 2 seconds at a time.

And, I'm about 98.3% sure he's single, ladies, so....

Yeah. Steer clear.

I don't know if he's looking to shoot you or just treat you like a piece of meat, but probably it's best to give him a wide berth.

And maybe a disdainful look, just so he knows you disapprove.

Vladimir says, "Real men shoot deer/elk and respect women. Not that you have to shoot animals to be a real man, it's just that real men know the difference between animals and women, and do not behave like animals themselves. And when real men wish to pay tribute to someone..." I had to cut him off. You know how he gets when he's passionate about a subject. Ol' Vlad and his soap box rants!