Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Control Freak


I am terribly sorry about the graphic nature of this photo, but in this particular case a picture is worth at least a thousand words! I didn't feel that my day could be summed up with such precision in just words, but that in order for my readers to fully appreciate today's goings awry I would need the help of this prop. Here's how it went down:
Upon entering my home, heavy-laden with groceries, after dropping Saylor off at school, I am greeted by Samera, who says, "Sylas pooped on his leg. Daddy had to give him a bath." Okay, nothing too alarming in that. Then Ty comes out of the bathroom and gets right down to business, "Now, we have a few crime scene situations around here. Note exhibit 'a'..." and points to the stash you see in above photo, "at least he missed my shoe," which is good, but I'm just thinking it's great that nobody ate it - yes, ATE it, which is what happened last time we had a poop-meets-floor incident back in January (in case you're wondering, Poison Control does not frown on ingestion of human feces, and I quote, "It sounds gross, but there's really nothing wrong with it." Yeah, when it's not YOUR kid, I guess). Ty goes on to tell me that Samera woke him up with, "Daddy, Sylas has poop on his leg." When he went to discover the mystery, he was shocked to find Sylas downstairs (when I left he was tucked safely in his bed, asleep, child-proof doorknob intact), buck-naked (again, when I left he was fully clothed), poop-smeared from head to toe. He whisked him off to the tub for an industrial-strength scrubbing. Enter me. Ty is already running late for work, so leaves me with the fun of using my detective skills to reconstruct the crime. Diaper - check. It's in the kitchen garbage, clean as a whistle. He must have shed its restrictions before the urge struck him. I find no trace of poo on the stairs or basement carpet (thank heaven), but the couch is a veritable gold mine of the stuff. Not knowing where to start, I take the cushions off and toss them in the garage on my way to Walmart to purchase a steam cleaner (but not after first calling Ty to see if we can't just trash the couch - my morning has already been filled with more than my fair share of cough-gags). Of course I have to wait until nap time to endeavor assembly and instruction-reading, not to mention the actual cleansing of my furniture, but as I walk through my bedroom I notice my new sheets looking so cute and ready for use that I decide to move my bedroom furniture around in my "spare" time. My sudden burst of enthusiasm is quickly squelched by heavy, back-breaking, backward toenail-bending experiences, leaving my bedroom looking like the aftermath of some end-of-the-world calamity. All my doors are blocked, there is bedding EVERYWHERE, and exercise equipment laying in contorted poses across my floor. At 12:30 I am suddenly aware of my poor starving children and climb over and under various mountain ranges and tunnels to the kitchen. I find my offspring outside, in the dirt, with all of Sylas' bedding...every last scrap of it. I mean they went the extra mile and scaled his shelving units to scare-up enough blankets to cover every inch of dirt in the front yard. It is only amidst the chaos of chicken nugget-baking/baby blanket-shaking it dawns on me that I still haven't emptied the dishwasher, put the groceries away, eaten breakfast, folded the piles of laundry, or cleaned my house (which I was going to do today because I forgot to do it yesterday). I know it doesn't sound like much, but for some reason I had an overwhelming urge to bawl. I felt like everything in my life was out of control and I held a private little pity pow-wow right then in my head, and considered calling Ty to complain and blame it all on him, but didn't (in consideration of my recent status of "changed woman" - more on that some other post), and instead sent the children to bed for naps. Then I unpacked my new bissell, read the directions, cleaned my cushions, and ate a candy bar. All better. Maybe tomorrow I'll tackle other projects that, for now, remain undone. I have decided not to plan on anything. That way I won't get frustrated with all the things I'm not doing, and will feel like superwomen when (if) I do accomplish anything! And I'll count the day a success if it doesn't end with a call to Poison Control.

6 comments:

Crowther Clan said...

If it makes you feel any better I would have for sure had a panic attack right then. I have to constantly remind myself "it's ok, I will get to it eventually". It just seems on the days when there is a lot to do, which is pretty much every day, more and more things happen that prevent you from doing what was planned. A few months ago I was telling my frustrations to my mom and she said "the most important thing you do every day is take care of your little boys". I know that is true, it's just really really hard to remember that when the list of things to do is 10 miles long. Anyways. I totally sympathize with your day of chaos!

sharlee said...

Oh boy. That's a doozy, Andrea! I'm glad you shared your day of mayhem no holds barred. It is nice to know that other people have days like that where you just spin in circles and never accomplish anything. And, in the grand scheme of things, what does it really matter? But when you're in the thick of it, it's hard not to feel like you're being picked on. I had a day, well 20 minutes, like that a few weeks ago. Your "graphic" photo may inspire me to share.

Amber said...

I LOVE that you took a picture. Seriously love it. I am always too close to the edge that if I took a moment to snap a picture instead of chanting "She is a Child of God. She is a Child of God," I would certainly lose it. Well you know that I too am blessed with days like these all too often, so although I am glad to hear I am not alone, I feel for you. At least you had a candy bar around. Chocolate has the amazing ability to make everything better (sadly, after enjoying said candy bar, the poop does not miraculously clean itself from the cushions).

Matheson said...

Ewww! Poison control told me the same thing the day I found a girl I was babysitting covered in it after her nap. I luckily haven't had that experience with either of my kids yet. I like to plan nothing someday's too so I can focus on the many things I did get accomplished without looking back at all the things I didn't. Hope today is a better one- love you ate a candy bar. That always works for me :)

Paige of Pearls said...

I'm sorry. I laughed as I read this because it just sounds like you made it up! Believe me, every mother deals with days like this. What a descriptive and humorous entry! Thanks for sharing your day. I hope your days are far from this kind on a normal basis!

Sharalen said...

Gosh, that emotion sounds awfully familiar! But the series of unfortunate events - we as mothers don't write about them in such detail so that we can forget them more easily, and look back on the early mothering years as kind and magical. Senility is a wonderful thing when you don't have records to contradict!! But I'm glad you did anyway, for our benefit!