Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Twenty-Ten, Good Buddy

One thing I know about myself is that I can't make me do anything I don't want to do. It's true. Just as soon as I make a resolution, my mind goes into stealth mode, concocting rationalizations, excuses, and plans for breaking it. It's a mean game my mind plays with my heart. It doesn't want me to succeed. So to trick myself, I skip resolutions, hoping to reverse psychologize myself into perfection. So far it hasn't worked, but I keep trying. What's that saying, "If what you're doing doesn't work, do it harder"...?


Right now I am feeling like a new woman, ready to take 2010 by the horns and wrestle it to its knees. When I'm done with it, it will be begging for mercy. Or your money back.

And what's my master plan, you ask? I don't know. That's the beauty of it. I'm just going to go with the flow. I'm going to let my motivation be my guide. Instead of applying blunt force trauma to the side of my will power, I will ride each and every wave of inspiration until it fizzles, and then let it go, hoping that I gained a little wisdom along the way.

I'm going to trust myself in life's hands. No more squeezing painful lessons out of things that would be pleasant if I allowed them to be. I want to appreciate and accept new experiences without complicating them. I hate to say it, but I believe what I am trying to say is that I will now be "living in the moment" (but just so you know, typing that made me a little nauseous. I should just stencil "live, love, laugh" on my headboard and call it a day). I will enjoy that which is good, and writhe and scream through that which is uncomfortable - but pretend to enjoy it, anyway. Cause that's what life's all about. And I am pro-life.

I am intent on abandoning the rut I dug these last thirty years, and digging a new, more interesting and creative rut. Then I will let myself fall into it with a sigh of relief. Cause digging makes me tired. And sweaty.

Let's review:

1. 2010 is going to be my year of awakening
2. I still have no definitive resolutions, nor have I decided whether or not to make any
3. I may or may not start a career in bull wrestling in 2010
4. There is a small chance that I have split personalities
5. I have nothing against people who stencil "live, love, laugh" or "live in the moment" (or anything else, for that matter) on their headboards (etc.). My very personal decision not to do so is very personal
6. Blog posts that make sense are nowhere on my horizon

Happy New Year, my friends.


sharlee said...

So inspirational. Really. I wrote down my goals for the new year and guess what? They're the same goals I've written for that past 20 years and have I ever accomplished a one of them? NO! Actually I haven't written goals for the past couple of years but this year is different. I'm either gonna reach my goals or die tryin' cuz I'm sick of being lazy, mediocre me.
Loved your post and truly, it would be perfect in a Jan. 1st 2010 newspaper for all to enjoy.

Amber said...

You and I my dear are on the same mission in 2010. Remember my Just Be post where I *gasp* used the "live in the moment" crap too. What has become of us? Oh right, we are 30 now and all wise beyond our years. Can we get together and resolve to not have any resolutions. Isn't it about time you drove the icy, windy, snowy road to Boise to visit your favorite peeps?

Marianne said...

You make me smile.

Rozel said...

I LIVE for your blog, I LOVE your blog and I LAUGH at (with) your blog! It makes sense to me and that is all I care about.

I absolutly love new year resolutions! I love thinking that I am going to be a new (wo)man. Even though I rarely change.

Remember 2008:

Yeah - none of that stuff happened :) This year I haven't had time to actually focus on my list. I have a few things I want to accomplish but I might have to start my new year resolutions in Feb since I am not fully prepared. :)


Mardee Rae said...

I love it. I love you. I need you in a little box in my apartment where every time I pick up an innocent and unsuspecting toy and throw it at a kitchen chair to let off some steam about my children throwing fits (where in the world did they learn to react that way), I can come open the box and you will say something wry and clever and accidentally universally true, and it will put me back on track toward reality.
By the way, how did you (are you) survive(ing) having three kids? Cause I never know if I'm going to make it through the day.

Lena said...

I need to master the art of making my lack of resolutions sound ambitious. Wanna write up my lack of resolutions list for me?

Emily said...

My New Year's Resolution is to always kiss my husband goodnight, and I wrote a little reminder in vinyl lettering above my headboard. Also, dream, hope, believe, fly, remember who you are and flush.