Thursday, January 7, 2010

Just Call Me Peg

Skinny jeans.


They never made sense to my better judgment. And why can't we just call them what they are: a dumb idea from the '80s (yes, I realize they are originally from the 1950's, but that was before the '80s got ahold of them) that didn't get better with time?

Or with a name change.

I mean, sure, I have seen a handful of women who look good in them, but usually those women were 10 feet tall with the hips of a toddler. A boy toddler.

I tried to steer clear of any store shelf bearing the ugly burden of skinny jeans, knowing without trying them on that my extra creamy, large curd thighs...


...would reject their emphasizing taper like a stomach rejects week-old sushi.

*dry heave*

Then I bought boots. Oh, how I bought boots. And my calves and toes rejoiced in the new-found warmth and happiness that was bestowed upon them.

But alas.

All boots were relegated to infrequent skirt-wearing, as every pair of so-called "boot cut jeans" were proven too narrow for overlap, and too wide for tucking.

And then I crept over to the skinny jean shelf.

*deep breath*

I braced myself for what I knew was just asking for self-loathing, and I tried them on.


I laughed. And almost threw up.

Then I scrambled to pull on my boots.

I turned slowly toward the full-length mirror.

I held the door knob for support.

I opened my eyes.


Now I get it.

WARNING: Skinny jeans are not to be worn without boots. Exposure to skinny jeans worn with flats is not recommended, and may cause deep emotional scaring. Like the 1980's. Yeah, I said it.


Amber said...

Funny you should mention this (in an as always hilarious fashion) because my sister and I were just discussing this. She claims that my thunder thighs deserve a pair of skinny jeans + boots combo. I have explained over and over that it would be like the spandex wearing fatties at Walmart. It just ain't right. (Don't worry, I will march myself straight to jail w/out collecting $200 for my meanness). Regardless, you can make it happen because you have twig legs (no arguing, as fact is fact). I have man-quads. It wouldn't be pretty. But gosh I want a new pair of boots. What's a girl to do? (Besides the obvious laying off the chocolate and other such impossible suggestions).

ps. I need a picture. Pronto.

sharlee said...

Yes, picture please. Speaking of pictures, WHERE the heck did you find that sweet 80's photo?! It's the BEST!

Higham Family said...

You are the model they had in mind when they "re" introduced the world to skinny jeans. Me and my jeans not big enough to fit over my boots but oh they will fit over my boots, are envious.

Mardee Rae said...

Oh my, Andrea. It's like you stole my thoughts and sentiments exactly and wrote them in a much more entertaining fashion than I could ever have done.
But boots + skinny jeans makes you hate winter less, right?
I'm glad to know that we are cousins because otherwise I'd be like, 'it's so weird, I swear we're related..." it takes the pressure off to know.
Pictures please!

Christy said...

haha! I loathe the skinny jeans and have always made fun of my sister for wearing them, but secretly I keep thinking to myself I might need to buy a pair...or two. I love my boots but can't wear them with my regular boot cut jeans, because like you mentioned they are too big to stuff in my boot. Soooo what is a girl to do?! I have also wondered why is it the fashion to wear the boots over the pants? I mean doesn't it make the legs look super short?

I want to see a picture.

Emily said...

Well, duh, skinny jeans go well with skinny legs! :) It's a good thing I love you, because otherwise I would hate you.

Marianne said...

I bet you look so stylish in them! Can't wait to see you in them!

Christmas was so much fun at your house! And it would be a wonderful tradition!

Rindee said...

I can't believe you didn't post a picture! I am boycotting your blog until you upload one.

Rozel said...

I agree because I HATE skinny jeans! But I have noticed a huge improvement when worn with boots because you can't tell they are skinney jeans. For all I know they are normal jeans tucked into boots! Also, you are one of those skinny girls who can get away with skinny jeans.

I will trust you on the boot skinny jean combo and will allow you cute girls to wear them. I will stay with wide jeans with the extra room for curvey gals like me.

T-licious D-zire and C-hillins said...

Love it! And Loathe it! I share your 'gags' and 'dry heaves' yet often wonder if I should just go buy that stupid combo. But.... have you seen my gut? It brings about even greater loathing, on many levels.