Tutorial for Cheapskates

It will come as no surprise to you that I am pro-Halloween.

I love it.

When else does one have the opportunity to (legitimately) use vegetables and spider webs as decor, I ask you?

When?

Black and white, bats and skulls, orange and witches: what's not to love?

What?

Each year, I make intricate plans to buy hundreds of pumpkins, spray paint them black, white, and gold, and throw a Halloween gala, the likes of which no one has ever dreamed could come to pass (except maybe Martha Stewart - that lady has some wild dreams).

And then I remember that I don't have any "real" friends. Only cyber friends (that's you).

And my husband doesn't "get" spending money on seasonal decorations. Or any decorations, for that matter. Or celebrations. Or furniture. Or clothes...

Anyway.

Once again, the party idea was put on the back burner this year.

But I DID finally get around to making a few festive home enhancements, thanks to two cans of $.97 black spray paint.

And I guess slowly collecting creepy-themed adornments is the first step in the twelve step program I call, "Halloween Party of the Future: I Really AM Going to Do It One of These Days, and, Baby, When I Do, You Won't Believe the Awesomeness."

And now, behold, my first tutorial(s):

First, paint lots of twigs black.
Have nowhere to put them, so paint an ugly, broken urn you found in the garage black.
Add a bird from the Dollar Store.

Next, decide last year that your family silhouettes wall needs seasonal revamping.
Then scour the internet for cool, non-cartoony Halloween silhouettes to print off. For weeks. And weeks.
Resign yourself to the fact that you are on your own, and draft personalized versions of eight different online outlines.
Edit to five.
Cuss yourself out for giving Dracula the tiniest candelabra known to mankind.


Frame them, and hang them up. Heck, add another bird while you're at it. THEN realize you don't like the mouse.
Go back to the drawing board for a haunted house.
Impatiently don't wait for the paint to dry, and smear the tiny bat.
Swear a little under your breath, but don't redo it.

Keep the mouse, because you already spent all that time on it.
Stick it in (one of) your entry mirror's frame just for now, knowing you'll be too lazy to ever move it.
Accept it as part of your Halloween decor (along with the itunes gift card that's been there since December).

Stare at all your left-over twigs/branches, and wonder what to do with them.
Grab the big, yellow, rusty bucket from your backyard (sometimes people throwing their trash in that field behind your house pays off) and knock the dents out of it enough that it's cylindrical.
In a moment of hasty passion, paint it orange.
Cut out a stencil, and paint on a couple black skulls and cross bones.
Shove twigs in it, and place it on your front porch.
Notice that the container now looks like one of those tacky plastic Home Depot buckets you mix your grout in.
Curse yourself for not painting it black, but don't change it. What's done is done. Finally. (you know you could spruce up the gangly display, but by now you're so over the whole black twig concept. Maybe next year...)

Last, grab any clear containers you have under your sink.
Fill them with miniature skulls (Dollar Store + brown paint), leaves, and tomatillos.


And THAT, my friends, is how you decorate for Halloween for under $5.