Thursday, July 28, 2011

Not Making The Dean's List This Year

I failed my Good Person Test today.

Apparently my 4-hour morning spent in a tire store that assured me they could do the work in an hour and still charged me more than they bid, and my afternoon at the local beach where I was surrounded by disorderly, crude and oblivious people wasn't test enough.

I guess it wouldn't be a test if it were given when I am comfortable and in good spirits. Or when I am feeling optimistic about the human race as a whole.

Instead, it is handed out and graded all at the same time. And that time is usually when I am already feeling a little pessimistic.

When I am dashing to the store while my kids are in bed to grab some emergency groceries.

Crunched for time.


In the dark.

And when I have no patience left in me for a creepy young man who runs in front of my vehicle as I am trying to exit my parking space, and signals for me to stop.

A man I saw just moments ago begging another lady through the half rolled-down window of her car for (I assume) money, with a pleading look, and flamboyant dramatics (which I have a hard time believing are sincere - it's my nature to be skeptical, darn it, and this guy looks like he's high on more than just life).

A man who, when I shake my head no (I won't stop/I have no cash), drops his exaggerated (in my opinion) look of urgent humility like it's hot, gives a mean pout, decapitates me with his eyes, and flips me the bird.

Now. I'm not saying I hadn't already failed The Test, but since I basically had, I felt that I may as well make it worth my time. Besides, it's a free country. I can shake my head no when my conscience so dictates, so help me.

So I returned his gesture (but added a shrug, which I hope let him know that I was being sarcastic, which I hope further let him know that flipping people off is not an effective way to earn their good will - so it wasn't so much a vulgar expression, as it was a teaching tool).

(anyway, I think the rule is that it's okay, as long as they do it first)

(I'm not justifying it, it's shameful. I'm just sayin')

And started pulling forward.

Which ticked him off.

I could tell because his black eye-liner really stood out against his wide-eyed angry smirk.

That, and he smacked my car and yelled obscenities at me as I drove off.

And I felt justified in not rolling down my window, after all.

And knew that it meant I am not a good person.

And felt ambivalent.

I mean, yes, I would feel badly if that young man met an unhappy end.

But honest to Pete. I have had it up to here with strange men approaching me when I am alone. There are plenty of male citizens in my town - why not accost them? Call me over-sensitive, over-cautious, over-scaredy-cat; but don't expect me to want to hang around and shoot the breeze with a stranger in a dark parking lot.

Maybe The GPT is graded on a curve...?


Ryan said...

Oo! That is creepy. I am glad you didn't roll down your window either. Alone in the dark is no place to be talking with man begging for money. Now I could see a young teenager or child, but a man! Sounds like he was high on something or doesn't have any sense, maybe both?

p.s. giving the finger is a good teaching tool. I have yet to use it myself, but have often thought to. lol.

Ryan said...

that's me by the way...not my other half.

Sharlee said...

Pocatello scares me. I love your blog. You say exactly what most of us think but dare not share. Way to sock it to the beggar! And by the way, hasn't he ever heard the phrase, "beggars can't be choosers"? If your begging for money you just have to be grateful for what you get wether it be some loose change or the bird.

Mardee Rae said...

I hope my GPT isn't today. I've surely already failed. And feel so beyond it and ambivalent. This post was so perfect!

Parley and Anna and family! said...

Is it selfish that this post made me happy? I've been feeling like the biggest failure of the GPT ever for about the past week (or maybe even the past 10 years)!

In my opinion, it is perfectly reasonable to be unwilling to invite Mr. Creepo half-way into your car. Seriously, what are some people thinking?

The good news is, you can start fresh tomorrow! *smile*

Stephanie said...

You crack me up. I have to agree: night, parking lots, men , EYE LINER - never a good mix.

Marianne said...

Wow! Good for you! I'd probably just be shocked, then angry, then I'd start crying. And in my opinion, a man like that doesn't deserve good will. Does that mean I fail my test too?

Emily said...


Lena said...

I am so incredibly glad I went back and read this...though, maybe it is a bad thing. I have previously resisted the urge to return the finger when given one first (and they are always so undeserved...) But, now, I may not be able to contain myself. After all, you did it--and you are a highly respectable lady...and it was a teaching tool (when given with a shrug)...and what else is a person supposed to do in that situation?

The parking lot beggars are the ones who tick me off the most. Oh sure--let me pull my purse out where you can see it and then you can unveil your weapon and demand to have everything! Or, better yet, the ones who approach you before you are fully in your car and you feel threatened that they will try to hi-jack you...Hello! I feel a lot more generous when I feel safe! Don't expect a lot of cooperation if I am feeling vulnerable!