Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Heart Bone's Connected to the Pillow Bone


Sometimes I fail.

My heart's in the right place, but for some reason that place is my bed. I only remember what kind of mom I am trying to be when my head touches my pillow at night.

Maybe I should spend more time in bed...

I know (hope) I'm not the only one who suffers from this condition. I am just trying to survive most days, and as soon as the kids are asleep, and I am done being the mom, I suddenly am overwhelmed by how blessed I am, how sweet and innocent my children are, and how much better I will be. Tomorrow.

Then, next morning, I jump out of bed (not really, cause if I do, I pass out - it's more of a slow, enthusiastic roll out of bed), eager to enjoy the tar right out of my life, and by 7:35 a.m. I have forgotten that woman I intend to be, and reverted to auto survival mode.

(I am a woman of many modes, apparently) (not really)

Which means that I sometimes yell at my kids and make them cry as they are leaving for school.

Then I spend all day worried that Social Services is going to show up, that I probably deserve it if they do, and that my children are no better off than those sad little people you see at the grocery store whose parents publicly berate them. You know, the 5-year-olds who look like they have already given up on life.

*hopeless sigh*

But then I download pictures from Saylor's camera, and remember that I'm not all bad.

My heart is in the right place.

But there's no accounting for my eyes.



And, just in case you wondered, one of the best things about being a mom is that you get to introduce your children to all sorts of cheesy, cliche tricks to get them to laugh - and they think you are a GENIUS and ask and ask how you learned to do it!



5 comments:

Parley and Anna said...

You're not the only one. I swear, every night I go to be saying I'm going to do better and every morning I fall out of bed, foggy in the mind, and forget all good intentions. I do think you make up for any failings by doing the face on the chin! I'm going to have to employ that trick to help myself feel better. Plus, I will do anything to get a laugh from the kids!

Sharlee said...

I was right with you until you did the chin-face trick. I don't even do things like that anymore. Quit beating yourself up. You know you da best!

Stephanie said...

I need to do the upside-down face thing with Wes, he'd get a kick out of it. That reminded me of when we were in YW and sang "The Bear Necessities" hanging off the stage. Were you still in ID, or had you already moved to UT? (I'm really bad with time lines.)

Oh, and Wes is totally into Star Wars, too. What is it with Star Wars. I've sat down to watch one of the movies with him and he doesn't follow the movie really well, but he'll pretend he's Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker all day long.

Sawdust and Paperscraps said...

All the time sister! All the time!

Kimi Lou said...

Aint it the truth? I think My heart bone is connected to THEIR pillow bones 'cause it's when I see them sleeping soundly that I suddently feel so in love with them and repent for ever treating them with any measure of unkindness. How could I? They are perfect and sweet and good in every way.
Looks like you've got a good Grandma Orton bone in there somewhere too, though. And that's a good thing!