Because I Need a Tiny Break From Worrying Over The Election

Dear Editor of The School Parking Lot,

I am writing to request a Proper Pick-Up Procedure Exemption Pass. I have been waiting patiently for mine to arrive in the mail, but have not yet received it.

At first I was troubled, and even annoyed by the seeming utter lack of consideration and blatant disregard for rules that almost all of the other parents show at the end of each school day. It baffled me that these otherwise kind and law-abiding citizens could have such an obvious loss of brain function, come 3:20 p.m. In fact, I considered doing a scientific study to determine how it is possible for every single person to be the exception to a rule.

Then it occurred to me that your office must have issued P.P.P.E.P.'s at the beginning of the year, as an incentive for adults to really get out there and be as clueless as possible. Suddenly it all made sense. It didn't assuage my rage, but it kept my acquisition-of-a-stun-gun instinct in check.

I know that the absence of my P.P.P.E.P. was simply some random oversight, or perhaps even a mistake on the part of the USPS. It has got to be hard to deliver those passes when they are invisible! No, I do not bear anyone ill will. I only ask that a new one be issued in my name and sent post haste.

I Look forward to many thoughtless lane changes, vacating my car in the pick-up line, picking up kids in the exit lane, exiting the entrance, and basic reckless abandon!

Truly (and ready to give several vehicles a not-so-gentle nudge) Yours,

Andrea